The Beautiful Chaos That Is My Life

Beautiful Chaos 

Original Art by Gina Welds Hulse

Everyone has times in their life when they feel demotivated, lost, and unhappy. You're in a rut, and you don't know how to get out of it. Life may keep piling it on.

My life was no exception.  I thought I had it all planned out.  Life was going great....as I had planned.  I had my dream job as an Art Teacher, and was very involved in many community projects.  I had many art gallery shows in the works, and some already going on.  So what could go wrong?

For many years, I was concerned about some strange feelings in my hands and feet.  I had already been diagnosed with lung and heart issues, but these numbing and tingling episodes were unnerving to me.  My doctor suggested that I get my B-12 levels tested.  They came back very low, and I was also diagnosed with pernicious anemia, so I was started on B-12 shots, but also sent to a neurologist, where it was determined (to make a long story short) I had peripheral neuropathy.

A few weeks later I was diagnosed with lupus as well.  Ever had days when it seems that things could not possibly get any worse?  That was how I felt.  

I found myself later on a downhill spiral in serious depression.  Nothings that made me happy before was working.  Nothing that I was passionate about thrilled me. I plunged into major depression.  Several weeks later I decided to head to a Psychiatrist.  

To top it off, I still had fairly young children, two in high school and the youngest in elementary school.  I still had to be a mom.

2016 was probably the most challenging year of my life, and I have had some challenging years. There were days when I felt like I was at the end of my rope, but I made it through.

To make a long story short.  I gradually, over the last few years, worked my way back to the strong warrior woman I knew that I was.  

Some days you think that there is no possible solution anymore. But look at this painting, in such a desperate condition, such Beautiful Chaos ....remember that the light will always find a way to reach you anyway.